Man United United submitted a mass voluntary resignation offer to all their non-football staff via email giving them just seven days to decide whether they want to continue their careers at the club.
An administrative error saw the email land in the French striker’s in-tray who quit Old Trafford immediately after reading it.
‘Working from home is just a better fit for me’, Martial told friends.
‘I guess it all started during lockdown. The glory days as far as I’m concerned. A shaved head. Joe Wicks in the mornings and Joe Exotic in the evenings. And the smell of freshly baked banana bread wafting through the gaff. Magical’.
Meanwhile, the agent of Manchester United star Casemiro has been told that the club’s voluntary redundancy scheme does not apply to players seeking big money moves to the Saudi Pro League.
Oscar Ribot cheekily enquired as to whether the scheme would also apply to his Brazilian client who is rumored to be seeking a lucrative transfer to one of Saudi Arabia’s wealthy clubs this summer.
However, much to Ribot’s dismay, United’s co-owner Sir Jim Ratcliffe said the club are hoping to recoup some of the £60m they spent to lure the midfielder from Real Madrid in 2022.
‘I much preferred it when Mr Woodward did the transfers’, Ribot told us.
‘Back then United would buy players for twice their market value then swap them for a nandos and bag of balls two years later.
‘But INEOS don’t believe that spending 60 million quid on a 30-year-old is a sound investment. They’re looking for a few Saudi Riyals for the lad’.
Meanwhile, United left-backs Luke Shaw and Tyrell Malacia have also indicated they would accept any offer of redundancy by the club.
In a joint statement, the pair revealed they wished to resign under INEOS’ new drive to get people back to work.
‘Whilst we respect the club’s request to return to work, we’d much rather spend another season sat on our arses at home’.
‘People might ask how a Premier League footballer can work from home and the answer is, with the right amount of money already in the bank and just enough of a loss of hunger for the sport, it’s easy really’.
